I'm gonna let you in on a little secret that I never really posted about before.

I didn't really enjoy being a photographer very much. 🤭

Feels really vulnerable to write it out that bluntly, because I wrestled with myself over it for years. But that's the truth of the matter. I did some sort of photography, either full time or part time, for 10 years. And there were definitely like parts about it that I really did love, don't get me wrong. But I kept trying to make it a successful career. And it kept feeling so forced.

And I never really understood why… until I was forced to stop.

Back in 2019 I was I unexpectedly lost my coaching job. And I decided to go full time into my photography as a result. I was eight weeks pregnant & everything was scary. But I'm a risk taker, and I had a gut feeling that it was time to run my own business! This was something I had dreamed of doing since I was a teenager. So I did.

I went all in. And while I booked the shoots that I needed to book, and made the incoming I needed to make…. everything felt forced and I couldn’t figure out why.

It felt like I had my hands over my ears, tuning my own voice out, because photography is a thing that made me feel safe. It was an industry that I knew. And so I charged forward.

Fast forward to 2021… I had a baby at the height of the pandemic, had serious health issues as a result of that pregnancy, and was now trying to run a photography business while taking care of a toddler with no help (because thanks, COVID).

And I got burned the fuck out.

More burnt out that I've ever experienced in my life. I was to the point where, like, I couldn't even work. So everything that I had been building towards for the last two years came to a screeching halt. And I was forced to ask myself what do I actually want? And I finally started listening to myself…to my desires. I had to look myself in the mirror, take a deep breath, and be honest about the fact that I didn't want to be a photographer.

I wanted to run my own business. But I didn't want to be a photographer.

I started asking myself what were aspects of the business that I really truly loved. And all of it had to do with admin and marketing system. Hell… I came home from a photography workshop once, and all I thought about was systems! How to make things efficient, how to use automations, how to use my time well. IF THAT WASN’T A SIGN I WAS MEANT TO BE A VIRTUAL ASSISTANT 😅

So I started to put together a virtual assistant business SERVING photographers (instead of BEING a photographer), everything started clicking. It was nothing like I ever experienced as a photography business owner. Everything was full of ease. I had content ideas for days. I knew exactly what I wanted things to look like.

And that's the point of all this:I wish I would have saved myself a lot of time by leaning into my desire. I wish I would have known your desire IS your superpower.

As business owners it's so crucial to not just the $$$ success of our business, but the long the sustainability of our of our business, to ENJOY our freaking lives.

We deserve to have a business that brings joy. Obviously every business is also going to bring stress, but our business just should overall make our lives better. Otherwise, there's literally no point.

I wish I would have saved myself so much time and struggle by just being honest with myself about what I really desired. And for you… it probably isn't a leap from photography. I see that enjoyment from so many of my clients that was missing for me. But it might be time to evaluate your niche, or your ideal client, or your price point, or your work/life balance…or whatever it is.

You will do yourself a huge favor by starting first with what you desire, instead of what you should do. Your desire is your superpower. Let your business come from your heart. Lead with desire.

(A good book that talks about this concept is The Desire Map by Danielle LaPorte)

When I first thinking about becoming a parent, one of my first questions was - how does this fit with running a business? I have ALWAYS wanted to run my own business, since before I can remember.. And once I realized I was ready to become a mother, I took my time deciding how I could make it work.

While I didn’t know much about parenting & running a business, I knew enough to know there was a lot I didn’t know. It seemed like a big learning curve (it was) and not something I wanted to be flippant about.

When I was in the phase of figuring out how to make it work, I really appreciated other women talking about their experiences of becoming a parent while running a business. And now I’m more established as both a business owner & parent (expecting the second baby any day now) - I want to put some thoughts on the table too.

some things I wish I would have known about balancing parenting & running a business…

the learning curve

There is such a learning curve to becoming a parent. There are the normal everyday things, like changing diapers and how you want to handle sleep schedules. Sure. But on a larger scale, it was a learning curve to adapt my whole world to expand enough to fit another human being. I didn’t become a parent until I was almost 30, and I was independent AF before that point. My normals were well established.

While I didn’t lose my identity when I became a mom, I definitely had to make some logistical space.

I found that when I wasn’t being intentional and aware, either parenting or business management (or both) would sneak in and take over all other areas of my life. It took a hot second to even realize this was happening, and I often felt confused & a little overwhelmed as I got knee deep into the world of managing it all. My learning curve revolved mainly on learning how to manage the categories of my life together as a cohesive unit.

And speaking of, let’s talk about a hot parenting word:

Balance

Some people will say there is no such thing as balance when you’re parenting & running a business. And I get that sentiment, because it definitely doesn’t feel like it did before. But if I’m really honest…that idea really depresses the shit outta me. It makes me feel like I will constantly be in evaluating, deciding, and dropping the ball. I am not here for it.

I want to feel in charge of my life, intentional with my energy, and directive in my choices. That can co-exist within parenting & entreprenuership.

The idea of Balance looks very different when your world expands and changes. Before I had a kid, I could easily balance things out almost subconsciously; take an afternoon off, schedule a trip, go out with friends etc. If I had a tough day, I could get home and unwind with a glass of wine & my fav Netflix show in peace.
And now? That time has to be more intentionally set & boundaried. But it’s not impossible.

I like to think of my capacity as a circle. The circle is your time, resources, energy levels etc. In general, this stays about the same. And it’s something you experience whether you have children or not.
(We are NOT about the “oh just wait until you have kids” mentality here lol)

Inside the circle are “categories” of things that make up your life: running a business, relationships, self-care, hobbies, health etc.
When you add parenting to the circle, everything else has to shift around that. It’s a very demanding category, no way around it.

And personally, I have found that, unless I am practicing good boundaries within my own sphere, parenting and/or running a business can easily push everything else to the outskirts.

It’s my goal to be a boundaried parent & business owner, so I do not lose my sense of self within my capacity.

Identity

Speaking of sense of self.

We all know how easy it is to lose yourself when becoming a parent. Especially for moms. I went into the birth of our first kid, very aware of not losing myself. I was careful to set aside time for myself from day one and all through postpartum. I went to therapy, took showers, did not neglect my health and made sure I still existed in my world.

The one thing that I didn’t predict, was how easy it would be to prioritize the function of parenting over myself as a human. As things got busier (aka our baby turned into a toddler and my business took off) - I got really fucking burnt out.

While I didn’t “lose my identity”, I truly started prioritizing all the other things over the space that made me feel human. It took me a while to realize that even the little self-care I was practicing was typically just in service of having more capacity to serve my business & my family.

I had to take a big freaking step back and reassess how to hold space for myself, simply because I am a human who deserves to have space. And that meant intentional thought about my boundaries. It meant asking for help. It meant letting change happen.

In a nutshell…parenting and running a business is doable, but it takes intention & experience.

If I had to give any advice to someone wanting to run a business and become a parent - I would say this:

get in therapy (it will be the best tool you give yourself)
be strategic about your schedule & time management…if this doesn’t come naturally, learn the skill. It’s your best friend.
evaluate your priorities and be okay with some things temporarily taking a back seat (for me this was my social life)
STICK TO YOUR BOUNDARIES with your business. If you have office hours, don’t run around trying to squeeze them into other places. Be intentional, and then hold that space. YOU are in charge of that, no one else is going to do it for you.
Be willing to reevaluate often; your child will grow, and the needs of each category in your capacity shifts. I like to do a monthly audit to check-in with myself. Helps me stay present & aware (both important tools while parenting and running a business).
and remember: you CAN do have a successful, thriving business and be a parent. You will find what works for you.
embrace the learning curve.
and lastly (maybe most importantly!) ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SUPPORTED; outsource pieces of your business…get a grocery delivery subscription…use Amazon prime…hire a sitter…you have nothing to prove. Be okay with making things as easy as possible on yourself. Juggling all of these responsibilities IS hard work.

There is more I could say on this, but it’s such a personalized experience that what worked for me might not work for you. But I do want you to feel empowered to bring a child into your life, if it’s what you want. My business has only thrived more since I became a parent, and the skills parenting has given me only served my business. You can have both. And you can have balance.

You just have to be willing to go through the learning curve to get there. But every. single. new. job. requires a learning curve. So this is really no different. You’ve got this.